I have been posting on this blog since November. What have I learned over the past 7 weeks? I have learned that, for me, having a blog is a little like giving a report in front of the class in elementary school. I feel like I don't want to make a mistake and embarrass myself by saying something stupid in front of everybody.
The deeper lesson I have learned is that I need to be more authentic. I want to be more authentic. I worry too much about how I will be seen when I write in this or that post. I admit that I worry too much about what others think of me. I have been too concerned with presenting myself as a competent and successful pastor. Too often, I tend to write about things I think would be interesting to people, rather than sharing more deeply and honestly.
I want to write about my experiences without being so concerned about my image. I want to write, preach and teach without needing to present something insightful or something to be admired. I want to write to invite people into a larger conversation. I want to help people hear the things I hear and see the things I see. I want to write about the people of the Bible and the loving God of the Bible. I want to tell people about what I have discovered. I want to share stories about the wisdom I have received. In return, I hope other people will tell me about what they have learned and share with me their big questions.
I have been reading Jim Walker's book Dirty Word: The Vulgar, Offensive Language of the Kingdom of God. I met Jim in Pittsburgh last year when I was visiting Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community. When I met with Jim, and co-pastor Jeff Eddings, we talked about being vulnerable leaders and open with people. Jim writes in his book, "We are taught, not only by our culture, but also by our seminary training, to cover over our hurts and to keep our pain to ourselves. We've been taught to keep church nice, clean, and tidy. Church has to be slick. But in the past few years, as our faith community has blossomed, I've come to feel a deep sense of community and belonging, mostly because others know me and my brokenness, and I know theirs."
As I begin a new year, and as I continue writing for this blog, I hope to be more open about my own brokenness and to invite others to share their life with me in more authentic ways. In this way, the Spirit helps us to discover a deep sense of community and belonging. This is the authentic church of Jesus Christ.
